Everything
by Lady Pickles
Summary: If I had everything, Would I still want to be alive?" Love is hard, especially when it's long distance, and you can't have everything. A birthday fanfic for Ems. :D LOVES! Zemyx. Rated for strong suggestive themes, mild language, and drug abuse.


Hey everyone! :D Here's a one-shot for Em's, because a) it's her birthday, and b) she's awesomesauce. Seriously. I'm not joking. She is made of awesomesauce. Go lick her, I dare you. You'll be awed by the awesomeness of her sauce. (alright, i'm stopping now. xD)

Anyways, so Happy birthday Ems. Love you and all that. ^ ^

**DISCLAIMER: **don't own the song, or the characters. Sadness.

**P.S. **Issac plushie helped me with this. :D

--Lady Pickles

**xXx**

"_Buried way beneath the sheets, I think he's having a meltdown  
Finding it hard to fall asleep, He won't let anyone help him  
The look on his face a waste of time, He won't let go, Gonna roll the dice  
Loosing his grace, starts to cry, I feel his pain when I look in his eyes."  
_-edited

**Everything**

_birthday one-shot for my dearest ems._

_Coal's Swedish lover. :D_

"If I had everything, would I still want to be alive?"

Zexion blinked as he heard the voice over the phone. He'd never seen Demyx personally, but he knew the man had some problems. Apparently today was worse than others. He frowned and stroked a hand through his hair, settling on the couch, blinking. He'd met Demyx through the internet along with Axel his best friend, and since then, Axel had gone to move in with Demyx. Well... things went south, and Axel found himself stripping, and Demyx was standing on street corners begging for money. By selling himself. Zexion after awhile had tried not to pay attention to it, the news of Axel and Demyx having a kid, and now their fights were becoming violent. Demyx just wanted the world for his son, and Axel wanted to become a famous dancer. And Zexion was still on the other side of the world, and unable to do anything but listen to them on the phone, and look down at his feet.

"I don't know Dem."

"I want to be high." Demyx only replied, as Zexion heard him stretching, and he bit his lip, looking to the side, then back down. Turning to go pick up his laptop, turning it on as he did so, scratching his head. "Really, really high. Then I can't feel anything." Demyx's voice was low, husky, and Zexion shook his head, looking longingly out the window.

"Still coming this summer?"

"I suppose. Got some money." Demyx replied. Zexion only looked down. He'd been saying so every summer, and every summer he learned that Demyx couldn't afford it. Couldn't get a card. Couldn't leave little Tyler behind. He began to wonder if Demyx really loved him as he said so.

But he could never ask, never really. If he did, it would never be answered. So instead he sat back and shook his head, before rolling to the side, and typing on a few things. "Any new battle wounds tonight?" He asked meekly.

"Mmmm... a few." Demyx replied, and accepted the webcam request, and blinked in at Zexion who smiled back tiredly. "Got some dark eyes there lover."

Zexion nodded, but kept the smile, leaning in, and kissing the camera, before settling back and shrugging. "Insomnia."

"Bullshit."

And so the evening went on without much more topic. Meandering talks. Like every night for Zex, and every morning for Dem. In the background, Axel might walk by, and wave to Zexion. Tyler might be picked up, and he'll point at the person on the screen talking to him. Life went on. But it was still frozen for Zexion. His entire world was frozen.

The days continued, much the same. The weeks became meaningless, and months were nothing. Years seemed like an hour, and still Zexion was frozen. Book after book he published. Year after Year, Tyler grew. Axel married and moved on, living in New York now, with his husband and three kids. Zexion visited them, and once even met Tyler, who was six years old, and had a need to know everything. Zexion smiled as he held the boy, talking to him, realizing that the person who held this boy was Demyx himself, and he closed his eyes, nuzzling Tyler's hair. A little piece of Demyx.

"M'high."

Zexion sighed, as he walked around his living room. His hand slid down his face and he frowned thickly, cradling the phone to his ear. "Demyx, what did you take."

"Oh, I unno. Some stuff they was sellin' in the alcohol store~" Came the sing-song reply.

"Demyx....."

**xXx**

"Demyx....."

Demyx looked to the ceiling, and he swallowed, before rolling onto his side, and pressing a hand to his face, he nearly choked. This voice, sweet, sweet voice, it tortured him all the time. Every night, he escaped reality, talking to the boy across the seas, and pretending he was someone worth it. Crawling under the sheets, he closed his eyes, and listened to Zexion talk about his day. Trying to keep things happy, though he knew he was letting Zexion go. Rolling around he stretched again, rubbing his stomach and sighing. "I like to entertain this little fantasy of mine. I'm invisible, and I can walk through the world, seeing everything and knowing nothing. I don't exist. I'm not real, and neither is anyone else."

"Demyx." He heard the tired sigh. He knew he was grating on Zexion, bringing him down, but he couldn't help but be sad. He had the money... he just... was afraid of finally meeting the one person he knew he loved. Someone he wasn't worthy of. Their talks kept his sanity, but lately.... lately it had become worse.

After they said their goodbyes, Demyx rolled to his side and clutched the phone to his chest, and the pictures on his nightstand. Axel sitting with Tyler, laughing in the livingroom. Axel and his new family, and finally... Demyx looked away from the blue haired male who was arching a brow into the webcam. He couldn't feel more alone, reaching out to pick up the picture, looking at the picture as it was held above him. "Oh Zexion.... if I had everything... if I had you.... would I still want to be alive?" Once you reach the finish line, what happens after?

He hand slid below the sheets, and he touched himself, his fingers roving over the length and he closed his eyes, gasping as his hand smoothed over himself. With anyone else, it was a reaction, but here... here his imagination ran wild. "Z....ze....." He cursed, arching up, as his breath was laced with pants, before he jerked right up at the sound of someone pounding on his door. Frowning he set the picture aside, and winced, pulling his sweats up. "Fuck." He muttered, turning to rake a hand through his hair, and move to the door. Looking through the peep hole, he rolled his eyes and went to the kitchen pulling money from his jar, walking back and opening the door. "Got the goods?"

**xXx**

Years passed, and Zexion found himself getting older. He sat on the bench in a park, next to a nine year old Tyler, and smiling down at him, ruffling his hair.

"Hey!" He cried, before laughing, looking up to Zexion with that same damn smile. The same eyes too. Though the hair was a bright flame. Zexion smiled to him, before turning to look ahead, his eyes softer, blinking at the park, and the people passing them by, as he licked at his ice-cream. Tyler blinked, before looking up to Zexion. "How's dad?" He asked.

Zexion shrugged. "Still talk, and sometimes he writes me letters." He said, looking down to Tyler. The boy had been taken from his dad and now permanently lived with Axel, in hopes to give him the best future he could possibly want. "How are things with... "

"The boys?" He asked laughing. "Tyler and Ryan are now in the terrible fours, and Alex seems to want to mommy them." Zexion smiled and nodded, before turning away. After a few moments, he slung an arm around Tyler and hugged him to his side, before nibbling on the ice-cream.

The sun set on another year.

**xXx**

Zexion frowned at his life, as he looked at it. Since he was fifteen he'd been in love with the same man. And since he was fifteen, he'd been waiting to finally be with him. And now... now here he was. He'd gone ahead and bought the ticket, and had Demyx flown to him. He was thirty now, and had a masters in literature. He was a famous author and he owned a library. He had a nice house, and sometimes Tyler stayed there. He went places, but the one place he'd never gone to, and so desperately wished for so long he could... was here.

The arms were strong, and warm, and the chest protected such a precious heartbeat. Fifteen years of keeping composure, fifteen years of waiting, wishing, hoping, praying. Fifteen. Such an odd number. Fifteen minutes later and Demyx's lips were on his. Fifteen tears later, and vows were shed. Fifteen hours later, and here he was. Laying in bed with the man of his dreams, snuggled into his side, feeling the sheet loose on them, as the air breezed into the room, through his room. He leaned up on his elbows, looking down into the deepest blue green eyes, and cupped Demyx's face. "I waited."

"I know."

He leaned down to finally kiss him again, unable to make up for all the time lost. "What changed your mind?"

"I wanted to get to the finish line."

Fifteen seconds later and Zexion was crying again.

Over the next year, Demyx worked hard to get a decent job, though Zexion swore up and down he'd provide for him. Tyler now lived with them all the time, and the boy was doing well in school. Zexion nearly broke at seeing Demyx come home late every night, nearly broken from working so hard, and he would lay him down, feed him and stroke his hair back. The look on his face.... it was a waste of time to try and offer help. He knew Demyx was going to control this, he was going to rule the world. But it was the nights when Demyx couldn't help it and he rolled on his side, silent tears falling from his eyes, and Zexion felt his own heart break, when he turned Demyx to look at him. Wrapping his arms around him, he kissed his forehead, and swallowed. "What can I do?"

"Nothing."

"What do you want?"

"I want everything."

Zexion could only hold him as Demyx wept silently.

**xXx**

Fifteen months later, and the hospital walls were too white for him. Demyx was ready to break something if he didn't get in soon, even nearly threatening a nurse. "Not now, not now!" They had to get security personnel to get Demyx to sit down calmly with his now 11 year old son. He looked down to Tyler, and back to the hall again, getting up, only to be pushed back down by Axel when a scream tore down the hall from Zexion. He could hear the man screaming he was going to kill Demyx, and the blond could only hop up and down, trying hard not to panic, though he was nearly bulging in his eyes.

Fifteen hours of labor, and finally Demyx was allowed down the hall. "You may come Mr. Nightrow."

"Finally." He could only reply curtly, stepping after her, to be let into the room, the glower on his face melted away as he saw the picture painted before him. Zexion lay there, panting softly, his hair stuck flat to his head, and in his arms was a little girl, who's hair was a frosty lavender tipped blond, her eyes closed, skin a wrinkled pink. He felt his throat dry as he stepped over, sitting down and reaching out, afraid to touch, as Zexion blinked his tired eyes, and smiled thinly, the blue lines around his lips were prominent and he weakly shifted to offer the small girl.

"Demyx."

He heard Zexion say his name every day, and yet couldn't breathe as he looked at him, before finally taking the infant, the small miracle, cradling her in his arm, his other hand was stroking the tiny nose that was smaller than the pad of his finger. He looked up to the door, to see Axel leaning against it, Luxord right behind him, with his arms crossed over his chest, and Tyler peeking in, the three smaller boys also looking in, all their eyes curious, heads tilted as he nodded, smiling to let them know they could come in. Axel was there first, picking the child up and cooing.

"See? They're so damn cute at this age. Then they turn into little shits."

Luxord could only chuckle, as he shook his head, as Alex tugged on Axel's hoodie. "Mama?"

Axel looked down and smiled, "Yeah?"

"Am I a little shit?"

**xXx**

Zexion opened his tired eyes, seeing the infant sleeping in her little crib, a large arm holding him close, as he blinked, before looking up to Demyx, then back down to his hand, before rolling a bit, and patting Demyx's arm, jumping to find he was already awake. "Demyx?"

"Yeah?"

Zexion smiled tenderly, and cupped his face, waiting for a moment to just let the sound of the rain falling on the roof, and the wind hitting the glass window fill the silence, before he kissed Demyx. "Your eyes, never close your eyes, and open up your mind." Demyx looked at him oddly before just shaking his head and pushing Zexion back down onto the bed to slide over him and settle close, nuzzling into his neck as the blue haired man laughed, and hugged him tightly. Pushing Demyx up a bit, he smiled, and opened his mouth, to speak the next words, that made Demyx's eyes widen before he leaned down to kiss him fiercely, holding the slender man close, and just.... laughing. A real, deep hearted laugh, that chased the scars of the night away.

_'Oh and baby? You can have everything.'_

**xXx**

Whelp Ems, there you be. :D  
Enjoy!


End file.
